Assertive communication is a fundamental part of cultivating healthy communication, maintaining boundaries and honoring your personal needs.
Here are 3 examples to consider adapting for yourself so that you can say what you mean in a balanced way:
1. Use “I” Statements
When we start statements with “you…”, we can unintentionally give off a sense of judgement. “I” statement focus more on our feelings, which in turn helps with getting our message across.
For example:
You: “You are messy and never do any of the chores around the house.”
Versus
I: “I have been feeling stressed about doing most of the chores around the house. I know that you are busy, but I would appreciate if you were more intentional about cleaning.”
2. Give Yourself Permission to Say No:
Saying “no” helps us maintain our healthy boundaries and work on deeper truly tuning in to what’s within our sphere and what we can’t take on.
For example:
If your boss asks you to take on another volunteer project for your organization that requires and you simply can’t manage it without compromise your other work or your personal needs give yourself permission to say no.
“I’d be happy to support in the project in whatever ways I can—realistically I could give about 5 hours on that Saturday for the event, and help coordinate, if someone else takes on the role organizing. How can I help?”
Take it further…
“Though I would love to take on this volunteer project and it sounds like an amazing opportunity, but, unfortunately, I don’t have the capacity to take on a project of this magnitude without compromising the quality of my other work.”
3. Express up behaviors, consequences, and feelings
When we stay specific about behaviors, their results and how it made us feel, we stay grounded in only what matters, while being mindful of leaving our judgements or assumptions at the door.
For example:
“You’re so inconsiderate always being late. I wish you cared more.”
Versus
“When you are late, I feel like you are not considering my time and I get really frustrated.”
Stay well and happy spring!
Delia