“Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It’s not ‘I love you’ for this or that reason, not ‘I love you if you love me.’ It’s love for no reason, love without an object.” – Ram Dass
Self Care and self love may be buzz words, but we live in a paradoxical time where straying from these practices is reinforced. You deserve to love yourself, as you are, right now. That, in fact, is part of being able to appreciate the present and maintain the kind of open-mindedness that allows for you to actively and wholeheartedly work towards any change you seek. Here are 5 powerful practices for radical self love that can enhance your feeling of well-being, connection and overall capacity for presence and joy.
1-Welcome in a Gratitude Practice Daily
Research shows gratitude practices make us happier. So commit to taking time every day to integrate these practices into your life. Whether it’s a ten minute gratitude meditation, saying what you’re thankful for each day around the dinner table with your partner and kids, or simply writing down one thing you’re grateful for that happened each day, create the space and intention to tune into what’s good. It’ll help with enhance or creating more of a foundation for positivity and presence in your life.
2-Be Your Own Reminder of Home: Use a Mantra or Focused Practice for Managing Negative Self-Talk
Remember your thoughts don’t have to dictate your actions. Self-comparison, harsh inner critic thoughts and even intrusive thoughts don’t have to dictate how you navigate the tough moments. CBT therapy is a great resource for building mental resilience, unlocking past patterns of thoughts and giving yourself space to create a new approach to navigating the tough times. One great, yet simple practice that can help with building a strong mental foundation is coming up with your own mantra when these sort of thoughts, or triggering moments arise. Here are some mantras to work with, or adapt: “I am love and I deserve to treat myself with love.” “My thoughts are not my actions, nor my beliefs. My deeper truth can guide me here.” “I did the best I could at the time, with the resources I had.” “I’m human—doing my best is enough.” “I couldn’t learn the lesson, without the experience. I accept myself in the process of becoming stronger through the experience.”
3-Have a Practice for Nourishing Your Inner Child
Your inner child is the part of you, that is untouched by the world—that part of you that is authentic, confidence and deserve nourishment. To work with your inner child, create space for creativity, play, spontaneity, and fun. These are the realms that can remind of our mental flexibility and that we can find joy in the presence. Developing self care rituals for nourishing your inner child like writing, painting, trying new hobbies, dancing to your favorite songs everyday or even re-reading books or films that inspired you when you were young can help you get in touch with this part of yourself. Nourishing your inner child can also help with addressing abandonment wounds.
4-Tap Into the Felt Sense in Times of Struggle
When you’re struggling, try not to think your way out of it. Instead, try using mindful meditation, self compassion, connecting with friends, family or mentors and other resources to remind yourself that you can feel your way through the struggle. When we remove the felt sense from processing, we become disembodied. Try remembering what you can do to tap into your feelings: journaling, walking and reflecting and non-linear movement are just a couple of tools that can help with getting reacquainted with what your nervous system is feeling and needs to be visible and part of the processing.
5-Be an Ally for the Values You Believe in. Practice Radical Accountability with Embodying Them Yourself.
If you believe in self compassion, don’t let it be the first thing to go when you make a mistake. If it helps, imagine talking to your partner, mother, sister, brother or a friend in that situation. Hold yourself accountability to your values. Compassion, accountability and gentleness are things you also deserve. Remember that sometimes the most empathetic people can be their own harshest critics. Don’t try to think of why it’s okay to be harsh to yourself, instead sit in the discomfort, try on a new perspective and allow yourself to trust that you know how to move through the old ways to find your way into the new.
Stay well, wonderful and weird,
Delia Berinde, MS, LPC, NCC, EMDR