Being compassionate, while daring to push yourself away from the comfort zone, is a challenge that requires each of us to work through the hard stuff: self-identity, personal strengths and weaknesses and perceived notions of how things are supposed to be. Compassion requires flexible thinking, and when we cultivate it, it inspires the ability to move through challenges with a sense of personal acceptance and understanding. Compassion rejects shame and disappointment. In other words, it creates a soft spot to land. Here are five ways to promote self-compassion and challenge perfectionism that leads to thinking and perceiving things as “not good enough.”
- Look at the core of personal beliefs and challenge ideas of inadequacy.
Perfectionism often creates a space for all-or-nothing thinking, or a sense that any setbacks are a personal reflection of one’s worth. Identifying expectations that are rooted in personal success but grounded in tangible goals can be a positive way to set a tone for change and get momentum to working towards longer-term goals, with a sense of acceptance of roadblocks as being part of the natural journey of growth.
- Create the kind of schedule that nurtures your mind, body & spirit.
Being one’s inner critic can create a cycle of thinking that can lead to physical illness, stress and blocking oneself from personal fulfillment. While it may be easier to be compassionate towards others, individuals often have more difficulty being supportive of themselves. Practicing a balanced schedule that allows for personal reflection, a release of stress through physical and creative outlets, and maintaining social community are all important aspects of creating space and personal intention around growth.
- Do things that affirm and encourage your resilience.
“Not good enough” thinking can lead to being overly critical, avoiding mistakes and looking for the negative, rather than appreciating the positive. Stress and anxiety can build from this sort of thinking and this can take away from gratitude and joy. Do the kind of things that affirm and encourage resilience: volunteer for a cause you are passionate about, yoga, meditation, take on a new hobby that scares you. Taking one personal challenges that give you an arena to embrace being under-prepared or out of your element and encourages presence.
- Connect. Genuinely and often.
Reach out for support from others—bring up the things that you’re struggling with, as well as your successes with loved ones and people you trust. “Not good enough” thinking thrives in shame and isolation. Silence can hold a self-perpetuating weight. Remove the fear and doubt—share with at least one person in your life whom you trust and seek further support. The more connection you feel, the less power shame can hold around perfectionist thinking.
- Tune out the media. Embrace presence.
Filtering out social media with mindful breaks and time built into your day with an electronic break, is not just good for mental health, it is also part of being present, with both yourself and the world. Creating intentional time for a regular break from social media several times a week, or, if you can, every day. Even if for an hour a day, taking a break from social media, which contributes to social comparison, can be a practice of self-compassion.
It can be tough to embrace that you are enough, as you are, right now, and you can continue to grow in the ways you seek. Self-compassion requires letting the inner critic lose its grip, knowing that personal resilience is not failing, rather, it is a reflection of inner strength. Keep your expectations grounded in what is tangible for the short-term, knowing that it can help you build the momentum you seek for your long-term goals. Build your community. Seek professional help. Embrace your humanity.