The novelist and essayist Salman Rushdie once said,
“Shame is like everything else:
live with it for long enough and it becomes part of the furniture.”
Shame is both a point of universal connection, as well as a source of universal pain and discomfort. Across cultures, regions, traditions and personal processes—shame is part of the thread of humanity—both a reflection of progress and a measure of vulnerability. Shame is a dual force that can inspire us, just as much as it can bind us; that can free us, just as much as it can inhibit us.
The greatest element that fosters an environment that shame thrives in is silence. Silence breeds self-doubt, anxious thoughts, isolation, disconnection…and while there is no easy answer for processing and working through shame, consider bringing these simple intentions into your practice, as a way to inspire your own wellness, authenticity and personal process. Reflect on what practices help you practice self-acceptance, connection and grounding. When we connect, when we hold space and understanding for shame and offer empathy in the most tender of experience, we remove the heaviness of shame.
With practice, intention and commitment—shame is not so heavy when you turn it in on itself. Here are some practices to consider, adapt and make part of your day to day:
Share—with family, friends, support groups, places of worship
Honor yourself and trust in your community to hold space and give you safety. Brene Brown says, “if we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” If community a chance to help you process the inner roadblocks.
See healing as both a process and an action
Commit to activities that help you heal—spending time with your partner, kids, friends doing activities you enjoy and that give you a release. Do yoga, cook together, join the community center, volunteer for causes you are passionate about, practice advocacy as a form of taking ownership of your power in addressing injustice.
Develop personal gratitude practices
Honor your needs by making visualizing what you need more time for. Write down priorities, intentions and simplify them by focusing on one thing at a time, for several key focuses and checking in daily to see how you’re doing. A commitment to holding space for your best, while being accepting of the process, is where personal power can thrive.
Shame is a source of tapping into our humanity, and, in the process, a way we dance with vulnerability, our own fallibility and the tenderness of our human experience. Challenge your shame—by giving voice to experiences and letting connection lay the groundwork for deeper acceptance and intentionality so that shame doesn’t become a permanent fixture, that is, part of the furniture, in your mental landscape.